small details, and the year thereof

07 Jan, 2024

Assumed audience ¹: people interested in setting up plans and goals for 2024; people interested in setting a "theme of the year".

2024 is here, and 2023, well, she was rough.

Honestly, December is my month of shameless daydreaming about the year ahead. I like to tinker with new habit tools, planning methods, or any organization tools that catch my eye. On a more serious note, December has always been my favorite time for quiet contemplation. However, for the last two years, I considered myself lucky if I had 15 minutes to myself. What I had in abundance, especially in December 2023, were deep conversations with various people, often of the same age, often in the same state of not really knowing where we're going and how we ended up in what can be called a sort of personal crisis situation.

While I may have missed out on the romanticizing part, I made up for it in talking, thinking, and trying to comprehend; so here's my takeaway.

Personal development feels like carving stone into a sculpture. A sculptor starts by chipping away large chunks to get a rough idea of the figure that she wants to see at the end. The details, like how an ear or an eye would look, come later.

Reflecting on my life, I've taken a similar approach. I honed in on what I didn't want in my dream life and worked towards what I thought was absolutely necessary. Not a bad strategy (it almost never is). In my case, I poured all my energy into my career. My career was meant to earn my living, take me places, push me to grow as a person and as a professional, help me make new friends, and, slowly but steadily, move me towards my goals of being fully self-sufficient.

That plan worked, but I ended up with a sculpture that might need a few art critics to appreciate (and oddly resembles an artistic take on a rectum at a 100:1 scale). If the creations of me and my recent talking buddies were real, we'd have a quirky museum.

Don't expect us to speak at public events in said museum. Some handle it better than others, but on average, we look and feel like anxiety-ridden, slightly overweight, always tired, overtime queens — lost in the moment, always multitasking, and wary of the light like underground creatures. Public events? No, we opt for therapy sessions, gym at ungodly times of the day, and planned 1-to-1 meetings with loved ones at the safe haven of our apartments. Our talks revolve around dealing with unpleasant calls, not showcasing our art. We don't have hobbies anymore, we have goals. We're not trusting the process; we're grinding for results.

Here's the thing - and I say this with love and compassion to my fellow underground creatures - society sees us as successful, financially stable, accomplished individuals, but it's a bit broken. The small details matter, and maybe, just maybe, it's time to pause the grind and ponder how to shape this sculpture's face.

For me, 2024 is about small details, adjusting plans on the fly, and asking myself some deep questions. I still crave results, want to see my ideas come to life, and have certain goals to reach. There's a lot on my plate in terms of learning, creating, and growing, but I'm equally curious about staying true to myself.

What exhausts me? What puts me in the flow? Am I genuinely enjoying my meals? What can I do to feel better? What are my core values? What do I need in a team, and can I escape toxic work environments? Where do I truly want to live? Are there places that make me go wow, no matter what? What are my non-negotiables for daily well-being while chasing complex goals? Are my friendships authentic? Can I contribute to building a support circle where I can also lean on others when needed? Did I sleep well last night? What do I really want to do? What feels important? And maybe I need to stop everything and write it down right about now?

And how about you?